Why, God? To Love VS To Blame

If you've heard me speak or read pretty much anything I have written, you know I have been through some things, as everyone has. Before Christ, I had a lot of issues, hurts, and pain. During my walk with God, I have been through different kinds of issues; such as house fire, grief, relational heartbreak, and other things.

Before Christ, as I went through the pain I didn't know there was hope, answers, or any type of remedy for what I was experiencing. Through my relationship with Jesus, I have discovered there is all of those things and much more. I have learned that when I seek Him in the midst of pain, hurt, and situations I don't understand, He desires to help me and give me wisdom.

The definition of Blame: 1. to hold responsible; to find fault with

2. to place the responsibility for a fault, error, etc.


I know I am not the only one who has heard people say, "Why, God! How could YOU let this happen?" When painful things happen, or tough situations come to pass. When people have that tone, you can clearly see its out of a place of blame.

It can seem easier to blame God, knowing that He is the all powerful, all knowing, all seeing, always present God... but what we need to understand is that He gave us free will, He gives us choices to make decisions, and He refuses to violate that.

Yes, I understand wanting an answer and feeling the need to understand. I also know that sometimes things happen that are not a result of our free will or the choices we have made, and I do not know the answers why those kinds of things happen.

People also ask, why do bad things happen to good people? My response to that is, good things can happen to everyone (whether they are good or bad) just as much as bad things can happen to everyone because we live in a fallen and corrupt world. We also have an enemy whose job description is to steal, kill, and destroy. The Bible tells us that God is love and Jesus came to bring life, and the Holy Spirit is our teacher and comforter.

I am not going to get into all of that because my purpose is not to answer these questions but to describe the difference between asking out of blame or love.


When God brought confirmation that loving Kyle was okay and that this relationship was His will, and then Kyle died and my heart was shattered, I was confused. I had no clue why God would tell me, Yes, knowing the end and knowing Kyle was going to leave this Earth.

So one night as I was weeping I asked, "God, why did you tell me it was okay if you knew this was going to happen and I was going to be hurt? I don't understand,"

I asked God several questions before this one, such as "What was Kyle thinking?" "Why did this happen?" "Why did Kyle make this choice?" and I didn't hear a peep, but as soon as I asked this one, God answered instantly.

He said, "Serena, I needed you to love Kyle. I needed someone to demonstrate my love to Him regardless of his past mistakes. I needed someone to see Kyle the way I saw him and love him how I love him. I had to tell you that it was okay and that I was in this because if I wouldn't have, you would have ran in the opposite direction. I was in this. I chose you to be there for him. Yes, I knew the end result, but I needed him to know he was loved, I chose you to love him. Don't see it as a regret but as an honor. I knew our relationship was strong, my daughter. I knew you'd come to me in the midst of pain for comfort and not with blame. I know you are strong and I will heal your heart. I know you will be okay because I am with you,"

As I laid in bed weeping, I wrote down the words He spoke to me because I knew I would need to hold on to them. His answer brought hope, love, comfort, and peace in the midst of pain. I was not instantly healed at that moment, my heart was still broken, but I had my answer.

God showed me through that, that if I would have accused or blamed Him in any way, I wouldn't have gotten that clarity because if you blame God for something like that, it shows that you don't truly have faith in Him, you don't know God's true characteristics, and you have doubt in His goodness, then He can't give you the answers you truly need.

There are things I probably won't know until heaven, but God knows me and He knew what I really needed to know. As I asked God other things, some things He brought answers to as well.


When I started diving into this blog, God took me back to the day of our house fire. I was angry, upset, and confused all at once and I was asking God to rescue my dogs. Then I yelled, "Why, God?" honestly, out of a place of blame, because our relationship was still new and growing. God spoke to me at that moment so clearly and said, "Serena, if you give up on me, I cannot answer your prayers and save your dog,"

God showed me how He brought correction at that moment and taught me that with blame brings doubt, lack of trust, and lack of faith, and if you have those things He cannot speak, He cannot move in your life, and He cannot answer your prayers; which is not His desire or His heart for you.

In the midst of those "Why, God?" moments it's important to recognize the posture of your heart towards God. Are you aware that God is ALWAYS good? Do you know that He does not make mistakes? Do you understand that the fault is never ever on His end?

He is a good Father who loves you and wants the best for you. The enemy loves to twist things and make you think what happened was God's fault telling you that God is in control, but the Bible clearly states that the enemy is the god of this world.

I know that God can turn everything around for good, and make something beautiful out of the midst of pain because He loves His kids.

There is so much more I could add to this blog but it's already kind of long so I will end it with this, you can trust God. He loves you, and He is always good.

If you're going through one of those "Why, God?" moments, draw near to Him. If you have blamed God, repent, and He will forgive you, and I believe out of that place of relationship with Him, He will bring those important answers.