The other day the band “For King and Country” released this song, “God only knows” as I watched the video my heart broke for every single person dealing with this kind of pain… this song brought me back to that season of my life where I was in that same pain and the same state of mind. Tears shed down my face as I saw myself back in that place and also recognizing how many people are in that place today.
Out of curiosity I went to google and typed “How many teenagers suffer with depression?” This blurb below popped up and my heart ached.
“According to suicide.org, a teen takes his or her own life every 100 minutes. Suicide is the third-leading cause of death for young people ages 15 to 24. Approximately 20 percent of teens experience depression before they reach adulthood, and between 10 to 15 percent suffer from symptoms at any one time. Only 30 percent of depressed teens are being treated for it. Some teens are more at risk for teen depression and suicide than others” (https://psychcentral.com/blog/why-are-so-many-teens-depressed/)
Sadly depression and suicide seem to be sweeping over my generation and it’s not uncommon for people to struggle with these issues.
By the age of 15 years old I was dealing with depression, anxiety, fear, suicidal thoughts and much more. My family was unaware, my teachers were clueless, and the small amount of “friends” I did have had no idea as well. Most people were fooled by the fake smile I put on and I did a good job of masking the pain I had within.
A piece of the lyrics say,
“Wide awake while the world is sound asleepin’
Too afraid of what might show up while you’re dreamin’
Nobody, nobody, nobody see’s ya,
Nobody, nobody, nobody would believe ya.
Every day you try to pick up all the pieces,
All the memories they somehow never leave you.”
A piece of Chapter 3 “Darkness ponders”, page 15 in my Book says,
“The darkness in the day began to seep into the night. It wasn’t long before I was constantly having bad dreams. The nightmares became constant once I hit middle school, before that I only had them every so often. I had no desire to go to sleep because I knew that once I began to dream, it wouldn’t be good. The fear that I experienced in those nightmares became my reality.”
Another part of the Lyrics talk about being lonely and ashamed.
“God only knows what you’ve been through,
God only knows what they say about you.
God only knows how it’s killing you,
But there’s a kind of love that God only knows.
Another part of Chapter 11 “The Depression”, page 54, in “This is My Story” says,
“With no identity, no confidence, no friends, no joy, and no hope, you can quickly find yourself in a state of depression. In which you feel all alone, broken, confused, and with little desire to live.”
Page 56, “The pain and darkness that I was drowning in was deep; it was like being thrown into a well with no ladder or rope to pull you out. I didn’t want to continue every day in the torment. I lost all desire to live. When I did sleep, I hated waking up in the morning to discover that my life wasn’t a dream. It seemed like hell itself had swallowed me up.”
One thing that continually shocks me is that with depression and suicide being so prevalent is that I feel it is hardly talked about. I wonder how many teenagers are walking around today with deep depression and suicidal thoughts, like I was, and nobody around them even having a clue.
I am proud of “For King and Country” for releasing this song that I believe will bring more attention to it and I hope that more people will start talking about it. God is the only one who knows your pain and can set you free.
The only healing and answer that I have found for this pain is my relationship with Jesus. I experienced the love of God at a church camp in the summer of 2013. I had lost all hope and was at a point in my life where I thought suicide was the only way to end the pain. Going to that church camp was my last resort, my final option… I decided to go to see if maybe, just maybe, the good and loving God that I had heard about even existed.
That night God showed up and set me free from every single issue I had. Every ounce of depression, fear, pain, heartbreak, and anxiety that I had, had dissolved in His love. From that moment on my relationship with God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit has continued to grow.
If you are struggling with anything I have mentioned in this blog, please reach out for help. Whether it be your parents, a trusted guardian, a safe church leader, a reliable school teacher, or even me.
If you are considering suicide or are battling suicidal thoughts please contact a suicide help line, here is a link to help you: http://www.suicide.org/suicide-hotlines.html